Much has happened since my last post, during that time, I got pretty sick and with no health insurance (don ask it's a long story). I had to rely on my "fail safe" The VA (Veterans admin). Being a vet, I was able to go into the VA ER and be diagnosed with "issues" with my gallbladder. Two day's later, I was actually feeling better, if not a bit weak. However on the plus side I was not throwing up bile like I was prior to going to the VA. It's the small victories that I take....
So during the time of recovery, I have been listening to a lot of perhaps my favorite band "Chevelle". This band in a mere 10 years has made some very introspective and amazing music. They have been there (even though they don't know it) thru the hard times, and the good times in my life, and during it all, they never asked for one thing. It was the lyrics and the pure sonic blast from them that made me jump for joy, and at times tear (yes I admit it....).
So, I post this now to let everyone know that *I* still do live, and I have included one of my "new" favorites from Chevelle's newest album. Shameful Metaphors really does speak for me, and the conflict that at times I have to fight with myself. The best way to describe it would be that there is a war between two sides of the same part of me. One that is the female side, the other the male. It is at times a conflict on a scale that I cannot even TRY to describe. Just think of the "80's" version of WW III and you might understand. It's like the "Group of Soviet Forces in Germany" crossed into west Germany thru the Fulda gap starting a way between East and west. Yes, I know "Cloe WHERE the hell did you come up with THAT comparison? Trust me, it's the geek in me. I just hope it helps to show just what conflict is going on.
My therapist at the VA (which I had been going to for PTSD) had stated before, that it might be best for me to keep a journal or "diary" depending on which side of me you want to talk to :) At first, I was somewhat hesitant. I mean WHO would want to read THIS crap? Yes I know the two of you that are (or less?) in the end, I realized that it does not matter WHO reads this as long as I can put down my feelings and thoughts, then it helps me. So to the one or two people who actually read this? Thank you, and I promise to try to post more.
I leave you with the "Shameful metaphors" Video. Yes I know I KNOW it's NOT porn and it's NOT a funny video, there are no breasts or pie's to the face, but HEY you have to branch out and explore other things, right? Just give it a try both of you. Who know's perhaps next time I'll show breasts or a pie to the face ;)
With Love,
cloe
P.S. I don't know IF this is going to work.....I've never posted a link IN a blog. SO wish me luck :)
