In this twilight (the start)

"And the sky is filled with light
can you see it?
all the black is really white
if you believe it
and the longing that you feel
you know none of this is real
you will find a better place
in this twilight"

- Nine Inch Nails "In this Twilight"

This, is my "first" post, and I have to say, I am a bit overwhelmed. I take solice in the fact that perhaps in time, with practice. This will be eaiser or at least "normal". Who knows. I find alot of hope in the above lyrics, that I will find another place a better place in this world. In this twilight. We shall see.

Ever since i was a small child, i have KNOWN that i was different, that something was NOT normal, after years of soul searching, and trying to come to a finish. I find that my issues are "gender" based. In fact that I am a "sissy gurl". a "male" who deep down wishes or believes that my brain is actually female. As crazy as it sounds, after years of trying to figure this out, it's the only conclusion that i can find. Being a "Sissy gurl, or a T-girl" is that grey area, not white, and not black. Some might say it's the "best" of both worlds, other's would say what *I* want is against god's will, and other's MIGHT say *I* just need to pick what type of love I want (male or female). I wish, I honestly do wish things where THAT easy. They are not, and to say that *I* would NOT wish this on ANYONE, not even my ex wife, i think is saying alot. IF, there was a way, ANYWAY, that i could flip a switch or push a button, or something, that would make me ALL male, or ALL female, I would do it in a second.

Right now, honestly, i am still trying to figure out how to dress, how to do make up, how to do female things. Why? because honestly, GG's (gentic girls) have a HUGE lead over me, they have been working on these things since they where small, i have a "crash course" in this, and i have very little (if none) help. For example, here is perhaps one of my "best" pictures:

Anyway, i shall go, and see if anyone wants to even read this....

sissy_cloe