Two wrongs don't make a right.....

But there's a gulf where they just might....

One of my fav lines from a old 90's song, makes me realize how things have changed. I recently ran across my old (first AND last) blog post. So many years have gone bye, and so MANY things have changed. TO bad not ALL of the underlying questions where answered, still I take what I can get.

I have caused so much pain, and suffering to the one's that I love, and in the end I had to make a choice. Much like a really bad sitcom, or perhaps a life time movie event, I had two wonderful, and stunning people love me, one understood what I was going thru, and wanted to help me. The other, had been with me thru thick and thin, was unsure of what *I* was going to become. Still, let me know that whatever MY choice was, she would love me.....

Like a really REALLY bad version of Sofie's choice, this was where I was thrust into. Let me tell you, I don't care WHAT guys say, having two people fight over you, is NO fun, and NOT a place *I* would wish on ANYONE, yes NOT EVEN my ex wife. I have never felt so low, and I have never cried as much. So there I was, there was no right, no wrong, no black or white. Only shades of grey....... Oddly enough in the end, I came to realize something...

That no matter WHICH choice I made, there was no right OR wrong, that my choice WOULD hurt someone, and that was the result of m actions. Be they right or wrong, it was something that I had to live with and realize. I never had thought that I would want to hurt EITHER, I was only lonely, and needed someone to love, it was my fault, that I oddly enough could not just either poop or get off the pot (as my old navy instructor) once said.....

I made my choice, and to this day, I do not regret, that I made the wrong choice or right choice. In my eyes, *I* made the right choice. Do I regret hurting everyone (including myself) yes, I do. This however has helped me grow, and learn more about myself. Now, I just need to work on the "real" me, male? female? a bit of both? who knows......

Well, that is post two....it took a bit longer then I had thought it would, and who knows, I actually think this might HELP me, in things. I might just start posting more. Again, NOT LIKE anyone is actually reading this ;)

With love,

cloe